Cost
by Fate Believer
Summary: Oneshot. Every decision comes with a cost. Maybe not to you directly, but in the end it will cost someone.
1. Derek

Title: Cost

Author: Fate Believer

Pairing: M/D

Summary: Oneshot. Post LMR. For every decision you make, there is an price to pay.

Rating: T to M

Disclaimer: Not mine. Still waiting on Shonda Rhimes to get back to me on borrowing McDreamy. For now, they all remain her property and the property of ABC.

It had happened again. His eyes raked over the board to make sure that he just wasn't missing it somehow. Nope. For the fourth time this week, her name wasn't on the OR board. He sighed and scrubbed his hands over his face. Surgeons are controls freaks and this one situation he had absolutely no control over. That just made it all the more frustrating.

It had taken him a while to notice at first. He was still on cloud nine that he could finally be with the woman he loved. For some reason, he would never fully understand, Meredith had chosen to be with him. Divorce papers were signed and words were exchanged, but in the end all parties agreed that this was for the best. There weren't any hard feelings, not really. They just let it go.

Everyone except the hospital staff.

He had done the right thing off the bat and went to the Chief to tell him of the situation. He and Addison were divorced, and intern or not, Derek's life was with Meredith now. Richard hadn't been thrilled, but he had understood. Addison was angry for a bit, but Richard appeased her by offering Mark Sloane a contract with Seattle Grace. All differences aside, Derek knew that Mark was the best at what he did. Besides, it was a nice change to see Addison smiling and happy. Something he hadn't seen for months now. Everyone seemed to settle into a nice little routine.

Which is when he noticed that his girlfriend was spending a lot of time in the pit. She'd get surgeries every once in a while, but she never scrubbed in on his. She seemed to think it was unprofessional, due to the fact that by now the entire hospital knew they were sleeping together again. When he actually came back to reality from being deliriously happy, his landing had been hard.

He had been standing just inside of a patients room when he overheard two nurses talking. Apparently, they weren't aware of his presence and he made no move to alert them, not when he heard his name and Meredith's in their conversation. Maybe they didn't know just how quiet they weren't being, but he could still feel the fury in his veins as he had strained his ears to hear the conversation.

Flashback

" _You know, she may think she's got something special with Shepherd, but everyone around here knows how to call a spade a spade. The girl's a homewrecker. Everyone saw her and McDreamy duck into that exam room on prom night, " he heard the one nurse to the other. _

" _Oh honey, if you think that's the first time, you'd be sadly disappointed. We had been taking bets on how long it would take them to get caught. It does after all, run in the family. Although, they did certainly take a huge risk doing it in the hospital with his wife and her date just right down the hall, " her partner in crime clucked her tongue in disapproval and Derek winced. _

" _All I know is that if I was Addison Shepherd, I would not be taking this as well as she is, " _

_was the reply he heard. _

" _Well, what I hear is that she was pissed and the Chief recruited Dr. Sloane to pacify her. He was afraid she was going to walk out on her contract and he didn't want to lose her. So he brought him in to keep her from leaving," _

_He heard the two nurses giggling over Mark and he rolled his eyes. Mark always had been a charmer. He thought the conversation was over until he heard them start up again. _

" _You know what they say about Karma though. Dr. Grey is most certainly getting hers. None of the surgeons actually want to work with her. I hope her fling with Shepherd is worth her career, because she's got to know what people around here think about her, " one of the girls said as she was walking off. _

End Flashback

It had been then he had started more attention to the OR board. Occasionally, she would scrub in with Addison or Mark, but other than that, she was always off running labs or some piddly other work. She never mentioned it or complained and he thought that bothered him even more. Why wasn't she saying something to Bailey or to Richard? Dr. Yang and Dr. Burke lived together for goodness sake and it wasn't hurting Dr. Yang's career at all. In fact, she seemed to be getting better and better with each surgery.

When they were at her house, no one dared to mention the procedures they had scrubbed in on that day and he knew then it wasn't just him who had noticed. Even Dr. Yang who had always displayed the least amount of tact he'd ever met, didn't dare mention her surgeries in front of Meredith. Whereas dinner used to be comfortable, where everyone would share the events of the day, it was now awkward. Aside from general conversation, no one spoke.

He knew it had to bother her, but if it did, she wasn't letting it show. Sometimes when she looked at him and smiled, he could see it in her eyes, but then it was gone just as quickly as it appeared. He didn't know how to bring it up in conversation with her, because he was certain all he would get was an ' I'm fine, it doesn't bother me '. The woman was good at keeping her feelings bottled up inside.

Mark came to stand beside him, his eyes scanning the board as well. In the brief time since Mark had joined the staff here, they had slowly began making in roads. They were civil to one another, sometimes they even got coffee together. Derek couldn't hate him for what happened with him and Addison anymore because he had done the same thing to her. In some weird way they had all come full circle. Besides, it was Addison and Meredith who were the better friends. That one had left both he and Mark scratching their heads. Honestly, he had hoped that would make the gossip die down and things return to normal around here. It only seemed to fuel it more though.

"I've got a surgery that I need to do today. I'll go tell Bailey to give it to Meredith, " Mark said nothing else.

Derek nodded. He hated this. Hated that because of his relationship with her she had practically been black listed as a surgeon. She was good at what she did and she shouldn't be penalized for something that had absolutely nothing to do with how she behaved as a doctor. His only saving grace was that Preston would be returning soon and he knew that Preston Burke didn't care what people thought. He wanted people who were good and Meredith was good.

Later, that evening the four of them, he and Meredith and Addison and Mark, met over at Emerald City. The strange looks and whispers never seemed to stop, even over here. People who worked over at the hospital were constantly staring at them. Addison generally rolled her eyes and gave them dirty looks, but Meredith, sometimes she would cast her eyes down. As if she were ashamed. He hated that the most.

He headed over to the bar to buy them another round, not noticing Addison trailing behind him. She came to stand beside him at the bar, offering him a smile. If nothing else, their friendship had improved since their divorce. He chalked it up to them finally being able to be happy, without fear of consequences.

" She doesn't blame you , you know , " Addison stated evenly.

" What , " he replied, uncertain of what she was talking about.

" Meredith. She doesn't blame you. She loves you and that's why she puts up with all the gossip and the stares. She'd rather be the source of gossip and fodder than to not be with you , " Addison clarified.

" And just how do you know that, Addie?"

" Because she told me. We've talked about it. She loves her work and she loves helping people, but she loves you more. That's how she deals with it."

" She's actually said something to you about it?"

" Well, come on Derek. It's not like she can say anything to you about it without it seemingly like she resents you, " Addison told him wryly.

" Does she?"

" Not at all. That woman couldn't resent you even if she tried. She and I have that in common , " she smiled at him again.

" Look, we've all made mistakes, Derek. This will pass soon enough. People will get tired of our incredibly weird situation and move on. She's a hell of a surgeon and she's willing to wait it out for people to see that , " Addie continued on.

" I just wish this wasn't so hard for her. My career isn't suffering because of our relationship, but hers is. I want to rant to all the people snubbing her at the injustice of it, but I know I can't because that will only make it worse , " Derek sighed.

"Give it time, Shepherd. That's what she's doing. She'd rather be happy than successful. She deserves that. Hell, we all do."

" It's nice to see you smiling again, Addie, " he changed the subject.

" It's nice to be smiling again. Mark...well Mark is for me what Meredith is for you. He makes me laugh and he's cocky and arrogant like you used to be. He just...gets me. In a way that I didn't think was possible."

It occurred to him that this should have been an awkward situation, but instead he found it was completely easy for him to listen Addison ramble on about Mark. It had even become easier for him and Mark to discuss Addison without it being weird. Sure, they weren't about to trade sex stories, but he didn't want to punch his face in either. They just...were. He liked the possibility of mending these broken friendships. He and Addison could get along, but at the end of the night he got to go crawl in bed with the woman he loved more than life itself.

Still, Meredith being with him had it's price and he just hoped he was worth it.

He was going to spend the rest of their lives showing her that he was.


	2. Meredith

A/N: Grand Delusions conned me into writing this and I just simply couldn't tell her no.

Pretending. That was something Meredith has learned to be good at.

She pretended that she didn't hear the whispers when she walked back , nor did she pretend to think the reason she wasn't scrubbing in on any surgeries was because the OR hadn't been that busy.

She knew full well why she didn't get asked to scrub in.

Because she was the dirty mistress of her attending.

Even if the dirty mistress part was no longer true, because divorce papers had long ago been signed, and she had been Meredith Grey-Shepherd for a good six months.

No, she knew it was because everyone in the hospital thought of her as Meredith Grey, homewrecker. Not as Dr. Meredith Grey. According the nurse's station the only reason she made it through medical school was because she Ellis Grey's daughter, and even then, she probably had slept with a few of her professors.

Still, she pretended that it didn't bother her. What else could she do?

There some days she would rather be anyone but the daughter of Ellis Grey, because that made her offense with Derek that much harder. Whispers that she had become her mother and that particular trait must run in the family. So Meredith sucked it up and took her punishment for causing the demise of the Shepherd's marriage, because they had been _trying_ and she just couldn't let go.

Ironically, the one person who wasn't judging her and whispering behind her back was the one person she'd have least expected. The former wife of her lover. Addison made certain to let her know that she herself didn't blame Meredith. That their marriage had been over for a long time, but neither had been willing to accept it. Addison had quickly become a confidant. Besides, she was one of the few doctors who still actually liked to work with Meredith. She refused to feed the rumors, so she never _ever_ scrubbed in on one of Derek's surgeries.

She liked working with the former Mrs. Shepherd. Addie didn't take crap from anyone around her and she didn't like to be surrounded by bullshit. Whenever she caught the nurse's running their mouth, she made sure to let them know that the hospital was a place of healing and she didn't appreciate her or anyone's personal life being discussed in public where patients could hear them. It was unprofessional and she made certain to tell them that she most certainly didn't like receiving anyone's pity. Then she reminded them of the really hot plastic surgeon that was currently occupying her nights and flaunted that huge rock in their face.

That part always made Meredith laugh. She had always thought that Addie's wedding set had been obscenely large. That was until Mark proposed. Now, Addison sported a diamond that would have made Jennifer Lopez jealous. Meredith remembered exactly what she had said to Addison when she had showed her the ring.

" _Jesus, Addison. Don't fall in the water with that thing on. You'll go straight to the bottom. " _

_Addison smirked. _

" _Laugh now, Grey. You're going to learn very quickly that Mark and Derek compete in everything. You think this thing is obscene? You just wait until Derek pops the question. This ring? Five and a half carats. I expect Derek will buy nothing under six. So as I said, laugh now ," Addison handed Meredith a chart as she walked away. _

_Meredith tried not to let her stomach flutter at the thought of Derek proposing. _

" Dr. Grey , " she heard a voice call from behind her and she turned to see Mark jogging towards her.

" Dr. Sloan, " she acknowledged. It felt weird they called each other by their last names seeing as how he was Mark to her and she was Meredith to him, but in their group, they tried to maintain as much professionalism as possible.

" I need you for a facial reconstruction. Kid was mauled by a pit bull. Poor girl's face is split in five different spots. You up for it , " he asked.

" Absolutely. I just have to take these lab results to Dr. Shepherd, " Meredith smiled half heartedly.

" Alright, tell Addie I said hey, " Mark called over his shoulder as he walked off.

Even though she and Derek were divorced, Addison was still Dr. Montgomary-Shepherd. All of her medical licenses were under that particular name and it just seemed stupid that she would have to go through and change all of it. Outside of the hospital, she was Addison Montgomary-Sloan. Just like Meredith was Meredith Grey at work, but to everyone else, she was Meredith Grey-Shepherd.

At least the betting had stopped. When she and Derek had first gotten engaged, people had began betting on if they would even make it to the altar. She grinned when she thought of who won. Addison and Mark had raised the pot to like five grand. Then, they gave Derek and Meredith their winnings as a wedding present.

She had thought after they were married, things would die down. However, she was wrong. Now she _had _to get surgeries because she was Derek Shepherd's wife and they had to give her something to do. What could she do though? Complain? No, she would take her licks in this hospital before she'd ever let Derek think she resented him. Besides, how does one bring up that conversation?

Meredith had been well aware of the potential consequences of her relationship with Derek from the beginning. She remembered Bailey's speech about people wouldn't want to work with her or talk to her. That much was true. Callie hated her more than ever Burke and Derek were friends, so Meredith assumed that was the only reason that she ever got to scrub in with him. Cristina didn't like that too much. However, Derek was always letting Cristina scrub in with him, so either way the deal looked horribly obvious.

Izzie hadn't talked to anyone except for Alex in quite some time. She had moved out and into Alex's. George and Callie had gotten their own place after Meredith told George she would not stand to be insulted by that woman in her own house. So ironically, it was now her and Derek, and Addison and Mark. Derek and Meredith were only there until their house was complete. Then, the house would belong to the Sloan's. Addison couldn't bear to let Meredith sell her mom's house and let's face it, living in Ellis Grey's old house, Addison just couldn't say no.

It was definitely an interesting situation. The first thing Meredith had done when they had moved in was to soundproof the walls. She knew she and her husband were less than quiet, but she didn't even want to think about what it would be like if they were to hear Mark and Addie having sex.

So breakfast time was always fun in the Grey household. Mark and Derek bickered over sports and Meredith and Addison went straight for the sale papers. Addison had even told Meredith that she liked Seattle now, so they spent all their free time combing the small obscure stores that were Seattle's best kept secrets. The men...well Derek was teaching Mark to fly fish, which was always hilarious to watch. All that medical school and Mark still couldn't figure out to bait a hook. He always made such a fuss over touching the worms.

Still, it was on these shopping trips that she and Addison would share her feelings on the hospital. Addie always had tried to clear up rumors as best she could, but that only made the situation worse. The ex wife covering for the new wife? Oh no, people just thought Addison was a better person than she was and that made Meredith more evil in their eyes. She often wondered why people weren't angry at Addison for moving on, but seemed to be so hell bent on hating her and Derek. She had asked Callie once and she could still feel the sting from the _response_.

" _Because, unlike you, Addison has more class than to have sex in an exam room with her married ex-boyfriend ."_

Yes, that was true. She and Derek had exercised some very judgment. Actually they hadn't exercised any judgment.

She had told herself years ago that she would never put herself in a position where something was more important to her than her work. Now, she was facing the fact that she couldn't do it. She couldn't make work more important than Derek. She wouldn't. If she did, she'd end up old and lonely like her mother.

Pretending to ignore the whispers was a lot easier to do when she looked down at the seven carat diamond on her hand and remembering that she was married to Derek Shepherd.

With that thought firmly embedded in her head, she dropped off the labs for Addison and headed down the hall towards the elevator. The doors opened and leaning against the wall was her husband, who was grinning boyishly at her and she stepped in.

Pretending really wasn't all that hard.


End file.
